3/7 Another Piece of the Change Puzzle – Case Study

1.  Let’s Talk about the Heart and Change

 When we use the term ‘Heart’, we are referring that inner areas that Sigmund Freud called the unconscious and the subconscious.  This part of our inner core being is actually hidden and unknowable by us. 

 We all need help to see this part of our personality and we need to learn how to communicate with our heart.   We will cover the Heart in a later post as this is an essential member of the Boardroom when we are looking at Total Wholeness!

2.  Sometimes we can’t change because the Heart really doesn’t want to change.  

The heart likes the things that it does so why would it want to change?

 Why would my heart’s rating score be different than my overall motivation?  What keeps our heart from doing things God’s way as the best way? 

 3.  Why your Heart Doesn’t want to change?

 Rate the following little checklist on a scale of 1 = not problems!  …..to 5 = major problems.  It might help to run off this page to work on your worksheet at your own rate.


Why Your Heart Doesn’t Want to Change?

1 to 5

1.    I don’t know the first thing to do to change.    
2.    I am afraid I won’t be able to keep the change going.  
3.    My heart is afraid of the cost that change might take.  
4.    I don’t have enough skills to change.  
5.    I have been hurt so many times in the past that my heart is too protected against change.  
6.    I am afraid of what God might ask of me.  
7.    I have trouble getting in touch with my heart.  
8.    I have suppressed my heart for so long, I can’t find it.  
10.    I have trouble expressing any emotions.  
11.    I can’t seem to forgive ‘….from my heart…’.  
12.    Gaining a heart understanding is not important for me.  
13.    My head is in control and that’ how I live.  
14.    All this heart stuff is for women.  
15.    I haven’t ever heard of the concept of Heart.  

 Your score was ___________!  The higher the score, the more you must learn about the Heart!


CASE EXAMPLE:  Marsha’s story: Fluff or Hard Work?

 Marsha came to talk over her choice: Return to the office as a ‘High-powered’ Personal Assistant of a Major Company OR …..  She had been on sick leave due to Stress and Burnout for the last 3 months and was understandable concerned about returning to work.

 We talked through all the different areas that mentors mention: reasons for the burnout, her job demands, official policies to help her, support from others, time management, unreal expectations, perfectionism, self-care, her skills and resources, general health – depression signs, and so on.

 We next went to the part about other possibilities of work for Marsha.  “What does your heart really want to do – if money and responsibilities allowed?”  She thought for several moments.  “I’ve always believed that the job was supposed to be ‘…. by the sweat of your brow…’, like Genesis says.  So I don’t know of any other ideas about work.”

 After exploring this for awhile, we came back to the question: “What would your heart really like to do?”

 She was silent for a moment as she looked inside for an answer. 

“I’m good at organising people, events and all the background things that need to be done.  I helped with my two daughter’s weddings and I really enjoyed that …. but that’s just ‘fluff’ stuff.  It’s so easy to do it’s not work.  In fact, I have a friend who has bought a large old mansion and she is turning it into a Wedding Reception Centre.  She has asked if I would like to work with her … but that’s just ‘fluff’ stuff, not real work!”

 We both smiled as we caught her heart saying two things:

1. What she would like to do

2. Her self-talk won’t let her think about doing what she liked to do.

“So for the next 20 years of your working life, your choice is doing ‘real work’ that so stresses and causes burnout …. or ‘fluff’.  What do you want to do with your next 20 years of life?”

 An easy answer for us to see, but her heart’s view of ‘work’ and the freedom that this new idea would bring took some thinking and working through for Marsha.  Today, she is part owner in one of the most successful Wedding Reception Centres in her town …. and she loves her ‘fluff’ job!.

 What things does Martha have to do to change?

 We begin to see that our defences have often kept us from growth.  However, when it comes right down to doing the ‘issue’, we will want to or not.  Because this is the deciding factor, we need some help sometimes to do the best thing.  That’s when we need help from our own human spirit and the Holy Spirit to get us past ‘I don’t want to….’.   Allow the Spirit to challenge evasions and distortions of thinking.

To help you understand more about the importance of healthy self-talk and personal growth, visit our website:   www.self-talk.mentorsnotebook.com

So join us for our next topic on Total Wholeness when we visit the member of your personality called your spirit.  That is where some of the real issues are resolved,

 Susanne Fengler, Blog Author




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