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5/12 Self Talk, Self hatred and the Conscience in seeking Total Wholeness

As we have mentioned in previous posts, your Conscience is there to be a helper if used in the right way.  One aim of Total Wholeness is helping your Conscience reach a peaceful place with your life as a Jesus Follower.  For many people this means dealing with the ‘mind chatter’, the self-talk that constantly flows through their mind.

A. THE CONSTANT MIND CHATTER ROBS YOU OF PEACE

When the majority of this self-talk is negative, self-judgemental or self critical, they are robbed of peace and joy.  For many, this flow of thoughts might be in comparing themselves to others on how they look.

Constantly worrying about whether other people are more intelligent, successful or attractive means you are failing to accept yourself as you really are.  It is a form of not loving yourself.

When you are content with your body, what you have and who you  are, this drive to compare yourself will disappear.

B. WE ARE ALL UNIQUE

We all have our own strengths and yes, weaknesses.  If you constantly look for your ‘flaws’, your self-acceptance grows less and less.  This causes a downward spiral and some there is very little you appreciate about who you are.

Your Creator make you special!  He chose the time in history, whether you were male or female, who your parents and siblings would be and even the general characteristics of your physical body.  Continual dissatisfaction with your life means a continual telling your Creator that He made a mistake.

The more ‘doomsday thinking’ you do, the more your Mind id wired to keep thinking those negative thoughts until your mind is filled with ‘weeds’ of despair rather than see any ‘Sonshine’.  Negative thoughts go round and round, especially if there is no plan to deal with issues.

The key to stopping the cycle is to see the good He has placed within you.  That means letting go of the past hurts and heal the way He wants you to so you can move on with your life.

C.  THE RELATIONSHIP WITH YOURSELF IS THE BASIS FOR ALL YOUR OTHER RELATIONSHIPS

You will treat others the way you expect to be treated – or should it be treat others the way you want them to treat you.  Remember the ‘Golden Rule’ ‘Do unto others as you would have them do to you.’  However, that means you really believe that you deserve to be treated well by others….because you treat yourself well.

Somewhere along our Christian heritage, we swallowed the lie that “Others should always matter more than we do.”  When taken to the extreme, down this path leads to ‘people pleasing’, burnout and lack of boundaries.  We must be able to say “No, I can’t do that because I need to take care of me right now.”

Here is even a good eBook on the topic of Self-Talk.  You can download it as a PDF file.  www.selftalk.mentorsnotebook.com    or since you are reading from the author’s blog, get it here:

D.  STOPPING THE CYCLE

1.  Consciously  catch your self-talk

It may help to stop every 15 minutes and jot down what you were thinking about.  It will surprise you to see how much ‘free floating anxiety’ and worry is there.

2.  Find out how your Creator really sees you and chose to accept His views over your own judgemental, biased view of yourself.

3.  Realistically look for your strengths and gifts. 

You can even ask others what they see as your best qualities.  Tell them you are following this blog and have an assignment to do.  You will be very surprised that others do not see you as you do!

4.  List the things you like doing and see the positive value to yourself and others in these ‘passions’

5.  Reject the thoughts of other’s judgements. 

 You cannot stop other’s opinions and their judgements about you so why waste the effort to change other’s minds about you; since you really aren’t a mind reader, you are only guessing at what others really think about you.

6.  Learn to like things about your physical body, your job and your life.

7.  Consciously reframe, rewind and undo this negative mind chatter.

 Question whether you have the truth about your personal belief system.  Where did all those negative thoughts begin?  …back as a child when you believed everyone else’s ideas about who you were….but did they have all the truth about who you were????

Mother might have had a headache and been really overworked when she said ‘You’re such a lazy boy!‘ or yelled at you for your careless behaviour.  Dad may have just been told off at work when he shouted to you that ‘You’ll never amount to any good!’  Again work it through, hear your heart’s pain and rejection and move through and on.

8.  Really let this soak in: You are not the person you were back then. 

We all make mistakes and need to learn from these mistakes.  Forgive yourself for not being perfect; you’ll never be perfect.  Learn to deal with your own ‘buttons’!

9.  Find some competent help if you find your negative cycles are getting worse. 

Take responsibility for helping yourself rather than staying the victim in your circumstances.

10.  Give yourself a 10 holiday everyday to find the way through your self-talk. 

Consciously monitor and replace, renew your mind and have a good talking to your Conscience.  Determine to change your thinking by seeing why your heart is feeling such hopelessness.

IN CONCLUSION

I remember a little poem I learned when I was a teenager.  Memorise it or write it out for yourself and keep it handy:

“Two men looked through prison bars,

One saw mud, the other saw stars.”

That’s true of life – if you feed your mind with all the negative things you can about yourself, that is what your Mind, the great Computer, will feed back to you.  If you can begin to see good things in your world and in yourself and learn to see yourself as your Creator does, your life will greatly change for the better!

Susanne Fengler, Blog Author

www.totalwholeness.mentorsnotebook.com

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