Learning where the boundaries are is one of the important issues in facing and resolving any out-of-balance any parts of your personality. To think through such issues, we recommend the book ‘Boundaries: When to Say YES, When to Say NO, To Take Control of Your Life’.
Let’s start with a YouTube by Henry Cloud on Boundaries. Bestselling author Dr. Henry Cloud gave a summary of his teaching on “Boundaries” during interview with Christian Counsellor Dwight Bain, October 20, 2009.
Here are a few reader’s comments:
“As a Christian, I continually struggled with feeling depressed from being a doormat, and being nice because it was ‘part of the abundant Christian life’. Everyone spoke about Christianity as being a joyful, full life that I would love and never want to return to the secular world. Then why did I feel so miserable? Why did the secular world seem so appealing, where I could be as nasty and selfish as I wanted to?
“My answer was in the book ‘Boundaries’. As I read the book, I could identify with something in every chapter. I’m the type of person who will let everyone else step all over me to keep themselves happy. As long as I didn’t raise a ruckus, and the peace was kept, everything was okay, right? WRONG! Inside I was always seething with anger, and I was livid with the fact that I had to continually step out of the way for everyone else while they ran right over me.
“Through reading this book, I realized that it’s OK to set boundaries in all interactions; in fact, I now believe that it would be wrong NOT to set boundaries in things. Slowly but surely, with the help from this book’s message, I’ve been setting boundaries for a happier life that’s filled with more peace, joy, and abundance than ever.”
Here is another comment from a reader:
“Having clear boundaries is essential to a healthy, balanced lifestyle. A boundary is a personal property line that marks those things for which we are responsible. In other words, boundaries define who we are and who we are not.
“Boundaries impact all areas of our lives: Physical boundaries help us determine who may touch us and under what circumstances — Mental boundaries give us the freedom to have our own thoughts and opinions — Emotional boundaries help us to deal with our own emotions and disengage from the harmful, manipulative emotions of others — Spiritual boundaries help us to distinguish God’s will from our own and give us renewed awe for our Creator.
“Often, Christians focus so much on being loving and unselfish that they forget their own limits and limitations. When confronted with their lack of boundaries, they ask: ‘Can I set limits and still be a loving person?’ ‘What are legitimate boundaries?’ ‘What if someone is upset or hurt by my boundaries?’ ‘How do I answer someone who wants my time, love, energy, or money?’ ‘Aren’t boundaries selfish?’ ‘Why do I feel guilty or afraid when I consider setting boundaries?’ “
Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend offer biblically-based answers to these and other tough questions, showing us how to set healthy boundaries with our parents, spouses, children, friends, co-workers, and even ourselves.
In a nutshell, this book is for people who don’t know how to set boundaries for themselves. In other words, they’re always saying ‘yes’ to things and taking responsibility for things- even when it’s not their job. This book will help you realize what a boundary is, why it’s okay to have them and just how to develop them. So if anything in this review sounds like if might apply to you – don’t hesitate to check